Jokes Thread

[Moe]

**DISCLAIMER**THIS POST IS ALL IN GOOD FUN**DISCLAIMER**
**DISCLAIMER**PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANY OF THESE SERIOUSLY**DISCLAIMER**
**DISCLAIMER**LETS ALL HAVE A GOOD LAUGH**DISCLAIMER**

Got some funny Jokes you wanna get out of your system, post them here.

"The Brothel"

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

May I help you sir?' she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?', she asked. The man replied, 'Ontario'.

'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario.'

I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'

"The Blonde And The Magic Mirror"

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies bathroom in a bar. If someone stands in front of this mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again!

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF*! The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF*! The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*!

"Nasty Riddle"

What Gets Longer When Pulled,

Fits Between your Boobs,

Inserts Neatly in a Hole

AND Works Best When Jerked?










A Seatbelt you Pervert! Buckle Up!

"13 Things PMS Stands For"

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly - Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

"Car Trouble"

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

"River Walk"

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

[Akira]

What's that in the sky?

It's a bird, it's a plane... IT'S FAILURE!

Couldn't resist bro lol.

[doughboy]

boooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Lusus]

I thought "The Brothel" was humorous.

[Moe]

Originally Posted by Akira

What's that in the sky?

It's a bird, it's a plane... IT'S FAILURE!

Couldn't resist bro lol.

haha yea i failed hard......but one more joke before this thread gets the boot.


Q:What do you get when you cross akira with a bucket of KFC?







A:You dont, chicken cant cross akira without being eaten! BA DA ZING!

Thank you and goodnight, dont forget to tip your waitress.

[The Cheese Lady]

lol low blow!

Wait, they have waitresses as KFC?

[Draven_Blade]

Yeah, Akira "Is" the waitress.....


And I also thought the brothel one was humerous, the rest, not so much.

The Akira joke was a low blow, but still funny....

[Moe]

Originally Posted by Draven_Blade

.The Akira joke was a low blow, but still funny....

Not that bad compared to what used to be said in our old clan, everyone talked shit to each other, those where the days.
Of course its all in good fun.

[Wabbit]

[Draven_Blade]

AWESOME WABBIt!!! Saved to my PC.